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County legislators can do anything. I know we only think of them as politicians but, really, they’re amazing human beings who can accomplish any task they set their mind to.
I know this because so many organizations, like the Monroe County Water Authority, the airport, Monroe Community College, the county Industrial Development Agency and even the county itself, all do everything reasonably possible to hire former county legislators and members of their families.
Why, just last week the Water Authority announced it was hiring former county Legislature President Wayne Zyra — the third former member of the Legislature they’ve snapped up! That crazy Water Authority: Sometimes it seems like it’s bending over backwards just to give former county legislators public jobs!
I can only assume this is because county legislators are so darn qualified. They learn important communication skills by pandering to their donors, and even more crucial non-communication skills by not listening to each other. They have important problem-solving skills, like knowing what to order at the fundraising dinner, and even more crucial problem-non-solving skills, like not resolving the county’s structural deficit. They learn how government works, and must learn well because they keep segueing into government jobs!
Why, sometimes it seems like the only people who don’t want to have former county legislators on their payroll is the private sector. Wake up, private sector! You’re missing out on all the best people! If they weren’t the best, why would all their friends keep hiring them!
Of course, this only applies to former Republican county Legislators. Weirdly, Democrats don’t get hired. That, we can only assume, is because Republicans are much better qualified. They must be, because prominent Republicans keep showing up at all levels of the public payroll. Why, Ed Marianetti, the Water Authority’s executive director, also serves at the head of the Greece Republican Party. So who better to know how qualified other Republicans are? The former head of COMIDA also served as the county Republican Party treasurer — he must have been incredibly qualified to handle both posts at once! The former Republican majority leader was on his way to becoming president of MCC, despite never having worked in higher education, before public outcry hurt the college enough to scuttle his chances.
How do the Republicans get so darn qualified? They must have a boot camp that the media doesn’t know about, where they teach each other all the skills needed get high-paying jobs in the public offices controlled by other Republicans.
County legislators can do anything. I know we only think of them as politicians but, really, they’re amazing human beings who can accomplish any task they set their mind to.
I know this because so many organizations, like the Monroe County Water Authority, the airport, Monroe Community College, the county Industrial Development Agency and even the county itself, all do everything reasonably possible to hire former county legislators and members of their families.
Why, just last week the Water Authority announced it was hiring former county Legislature President Wayne Zyra — the third former member of the Legislature they’ve snapped up! That crazy Water Authority: Sometimes it seems like it’s bending over backwards just to give former county legislators public jobs!
I can only assume this is because county legislators are so darn qualified. They learn important communication skills by pandering to their donors, and even more crucial non-communication skills by not listening to each other. They have important problem-solving skills, like knowing what to order at the fundraising dinner, and even more crucial problem-non-solving skills, like not resolving the county’s structural deficit. They learn how government works, and must learn well because they keep segueing into government jobs!
Why, sometimes it seems like the only people who don’t want to have former county legislators on their payroll is the private sector. Wake up, private sector! You’re missing out on all the best people! If they weren’t the best, why would all their friends keep hiring them!
Of course, this only applies to former Republican county Legislators. Weirdly, Democrats don’t get hired. That, we can only assume, is because Republicans are much better qualified. They must be, because prominent Republicans keep showing up at all levels of the public payroll. Why, Ed Marianetti, the Water Authority’s executive director, also serves at the head of the Greece Republican Party. So who better to know how qualified other Republicans are? The former head of COMIDA also served as the county Republican Party treasurer — he must have been incredibly qualified to handle both posts at once! The former Republican majority leader was on his way to becoming president of MCC, despite never having worked in higher education, before public outcry hurt the college enough to scuttle his chances.
How do the Republicans get so darn qualified? They must have a boot camp that the media doesn’t know about, where they teach each other all the skills needed get high-paying jobs in the public offices controlled by other Republicans.
I sure wish I could go to this boot camp. Then I, too, would be qualified for any job that happened to be open in any county agency whatsoever. It must exist, because how else could we possibly explain the way that prominent members of the Republican party keep showing up in key posts of agencies controlled by other Republicans? What other explanations could there be?
Well, they could be corrupt — a political party that’s turned the county into a giant patronage machine — but how likely is that? Isn’t it much more likely that members of the county’s Republican Party are just exceptionally qualified for every position paid on the public dime?
Isn’t it?
Benjamin Wachs writes for Messenger Post Media's print and online editions.
